I have been sleeping so hard since I got back from Dallas! I drove home all day Wednesday and had to work early Thursday morning, and ran around like crazy to set up my poster for the graduate student poster competition and get a tshirt for Friday. I came home around 3:30--I was supposed to go food shopping (I have nothing) but I wasn't in the mood to go full out shopping.
Instead I slept! So hard! And when B wanted to be walked I had the hardest time getting up. I felt like I weighed 500 lbs and I pretty much had to roll out of bed. I was exhausted. Usually when I get up and start walking around outside I become alert and ready to work, but this feeling of heavy weight lasted the rest of the night :( I needed to update my pre-proposal for my last two committee members and I just couldn't get there on Thursday. I was annoyed at myself.
I woke up around 8 on Friday and got ready for the poster competition. I walked B and then I finally got to work on the proposal at . My #2 had only minor comments but each had to be addressed in a paragraph or two so it took me a while, and I had to quit at 10 to go up to school. I was thisclose to being done and being able to turn it in, and I would have loved that kind of closure for the day. After the four hour long contest, I had to work to make up my hours for being at that conference on Tuesday. I thought I would have time to grade a little but I had a lot of things to do. I came home at 5, talked to M for a little at 6:30 and then I took another huge nap until 8:30. I woke up and everything was dark! I felt all heavy again. And I couldn't motivate myself to finish my last tweaks on the proposal! So I have to do that today. I watched some 90210 DVDs instead from Netflix :) that helped me relax. I finally feel like I am actually home again.
I woke up at 8 on my own and drowsed a little more with B before he woke me up again at 830 to go walk. Now it is nearly 10 and I am feeling ready to work! I would have loved turning in the pre proposal yesterday but I guess it is ok if I send it today. I need to justify my SEM choice I guess. I added some diagrams. Now I have to talk about my follow up interviews and make an appendix for sample questions. Hopefully after that, I can be done! sigh so exhausting!
Later today I need to make my reading list plan for the next few weeks since I have not really had a chance to work on that stuff since I came back in January. Too many other proposals due, and conference abstracts, and papers drafted!
Weekend goals:
SAT
Add to, revise, edit and submit pre-proposal to committee
Make reading list calendar (3 hours per day: goal)
Read 3 hours of Faber
Read 1st article proposal and add diagrams
Grade 3-1s (19)-3 hours? 10 min ea
SUN
Reduce # of words for article, revise 1 last time and submit to journal.
Read 3 hours
Grade 3-3s (19) -4 hours? 15 min ea
MON
Read 3 hours
Lesson plan
Grade 3-2s (19) -4 hours? 15 min ea
TUES
Read 3 hours
Regular work day
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Return from Chicago
Spring break is over :( it was good while it lasted but the time off is never enough. M came to visit on the 4th and I had to work the week after, but it went fine. We had one week off together and it went by so fast! We had to drive to Dallas so he could watch the dog while I was in Chicago for a conference. I had an all right time; I was really hurting on money though so we stayed close to the hotel for food. I don't know if I thought we would run around or whatever but I am not really caring. The presentation went ok; I felt ok presenting, but I didn't have a huge crowd which was ok for my first time anyway. I don't know if it was worth $700 though for sure!
Today I worked and we did some stuff in class today starting on Unit 4. I have aLOT to grade this weekend but I think I am still in recovery mode after Driving 12 hours and flying another 10 hours in the past week, coupled with presenting for the first time, submitting a grant application, and revising my pre proposal. I have one more revision I need to get done tonight but I am not motivated to work on it just yet. I vow to have it done tonight though. I need to get moving on that. I only have a few sections to fix but I had a big nap today from 4:45 to 6:45 and I had a really hard time getting up from it! I talked on the phone to M a bit but I was still really tired after walking B and reading the paper and eating a little. I might watch a 90210. I am supposed to go in to work tomorrow; I can't do that until 2pm, but I am hoping this takes care of the hours I missed? I don't want to come in on that Monday... Anyway I will worry about it later.
I had to set up my poster with velcro today, pick up my tshirt for the competition tomorrow, and submit funding receipts for my travel today. I got two new forms though that might need to be printed.
Other items on my to-do list:
Follow up with Ashley about travel receipts
Follow up with grant application receipt
Poster competition tomorrow (handouts?/cards?)
Resubmit my pre-proposal to committee
Email 2 people from my presentation about the survey and rubric and the correlations.
Set up reading list for next 6 weeks
GRADE tons of papers for the students this weekend
AND RECOVER! Relax
Today I worked and we did some stuff in class today starting on Unit 4. I have aLOT to grade this weekend but I think I am still in recovery mode after Driving 12 hours and flying another 10 hours in the past week, coupled with presenting for the first time, submitting a grant application, and revising my pre proposal. I have one more revision I need to get done tonight but I am not motivated to work on it just yet. I vow to have it done tonight though. I need to get moving on that. I only have a few sections to fix but I had a big nap today from 4:45 to 6:45 and I had a really hard time getting up from it! I talked on the phone to M a bit but I was still really tired after walking B and reading the paper and eating a little. I might watch a 90210. I am supposed to go in to work tomorrow; I can't do that until 2pm, but I am hoping this takes care of the hours I missed? I don't want to come in on that Monday... Anyway I will worry about it later.
I had to set up my poster with velcro today, pick up my tshirt for the competition tomorrow, and submit funding receipts for my travel today. I got two new forms though that might need to be printed.
Other items on my to-do list:
Follow up with Ashley about travel receipts
Follow up with grant application receipt
Poster competition tomorrow (handouts?/cards?)
Resubmit my pre-proposal to committee
Email 2 people from my presentation about the survey and rubric and the correlations.
Set up reading list for next 6 weeks
GRADE tons of papers for the students this weekend
AND RECOVER! Relax
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Survived February!
I can't believe it. I got everything in by its deadline. I am still kind of in shock. In fact, I had to call M today because I was having trouble importing a chart from one Word version to another, so I thought I'd take a screen shot of it and just import it as a JPG and my brain was so frazzled I couldn't even remember how to do that. SIGH. I was just 1 +1 = ?????? where is my calculator? Sigh.
And I couldn't even work on Saturday. Friday was really a wash. I went to a poster session on how to create a great poster for the competition later in March and the 3 powerpoints I had to sit through were complete waste of time. God. I even got up early that day, drove to school, took the bus to the library, sat there for two hours and ...what a waste. Anyway. It really threw off my Friday and I don't think I got much work done. Saturday I felt fried from my pre-proposal still. I hadn't any days off to recover. I was annoyed with myself for not working but I also knew I couldn't force myself to. However, I didn't even get to really enjoy it by saying "I am taking today off"--instead I just wasted it and frizzled it away on old City episodes and stuff and laconic reading of this and that with no real processing going on :( Oh well. I know when I can't work, I can't work, and my brain rejected me that day.
Sunday I got up at the crack and worked though. All day. From 10am basically to 5am. It was insane and I was getting stressed out. I mainly worked on my KM article for the conference proceedings. I was glad I had my diagrams done earlier. Then I went to bed at 5am and woke up around 9:30 and worked on my fellowship article application from 10 am til 5pm! M called me at 5 and I was pretty fried, and yet I still had the rest of my KM article to work on. It was exhausting. I said I'd work on my application until 6:15 and then I was submitting it. I did. I think I said something stupid about not having a program at my school, which I then googled and felt dumb because we did, it was just brand-new, but it frazzled me.
Once I had that submitted, I worked from 8pm to 11pm on my KM article and formatted it. So exhausting. I submitted it at 10:59 1 minute before it was due! Sigh. Soooo exhausted! I then realized I still had to grade the three assignments for my kids, looming over my head, so I did that until 12am and finally fell asleep at 12:30.
Slept until 630am on Tues when I got up and went to school, worked, taught, and bought a few groceries (mainly paper towels and tp and all that stuff you hate to buy but you have to). I came home and was just kind of clueless of how to relax. I couldn't even sleep. I was just still so fried. I talked to M at 5 and then I fell asleep until 730 and walked B. I wasn't even tired after that small nap and I certainly wasn't hungry for some reason. I kind of stared off into space until about 10 or so, looking at miscellaneous websites and reading beauty and perfume reviews. I had no idea what I was doing. I got an email saying my KM article had been unsubmitted for some reason and I couldn't really address why so I just went to bed. I fixed it this morning though.
I was still a little bit unstable this AM (the JPG deal) but later today I am going to the coffee shop to work on my poster presentation so I can hopefully have a good draft before M comes on Friday. I am so glad most of my hard work is out of the way before he comes, even if it was all due in one very short month! Jeez how did I survive that ! I wonder. I didn't sleep well at first last night because my brain was defragging and reviewing every single worry in the world. Bills. Annual reviews. Rejection. Expenses if accepted. Late exams. Summer funding. Augh. I have no idea but I will deal with it when it comes. Starting next month I start getting my peasly little paychecks with extra insurance taken out :( I wish I didn't have to pay that crap. Sigh!!
I paid my bills today and got a bit stressed about money, how my budget is even with no extras. I only had $30 worth of extras this month and it was still more than I wanted with extra vet bills and so on. So stressful. I applied for all this funding but I have to be realistic that my chances are low for a dissertation scholarship and the other fellowship is also very low :( I really would love to get that though. I just know from last year...800 applicants...12 awards...I mean, the chances are soo teenie and that was for some random thing! I still apply because it helps me get closer to an article at least, and augh I don't want to worry about it. I know we will do our taxes very soon and that will help a little at least pay off my cc bill from the conference I go to in a few weeks. Augh. The payment of $450 for 2 nights rooms kills me. That is like half my monthly paycheck. Augh. I know you have to do these things, but augh. SO much money. I am trying really hard to budget though and not spend poorly or make bad decisions. I have to be super careful with how I spend the dough when M is here (food $$) and then factor in gas to go to Dallas and train money, etc for Chicago. Bringing food to travel with. Ack. So expensive. I get $620 back but my trip is more like $750 base without taxes and trains and so on. And food. I am glad A is going to meet me there. I feel whelmed.
Ah I will hopefully be working by next year and can pay off any debt I get. I am really trying to keep it low. :( It is just so hard to live on $12,000 a year! So hard. Especially when we could be saving rent if we were to live in the same city :( Oh well I can't worry about what I can't change right now, I guess!
I wish I didn't have this 3:30 meeting looming over my head but I know I need to go. It will help me make friends too I guess, get me out of this dissertation bubble. I think R will be there and A. I can get some work done and clean in the meantime. I have 2.5 hours until I have to leave. So I hope I can clean some in that meantime. It just doesn't feel much like a day off (bleh work tomo and then Friday with Annual Reviews) I feel like I have no time to myself before M comes. Maybe tonight. I just feel stressed! I want to relax!
And I couldn't even work on Saturday. Friday was really a wash. I went to a poster session on how to create a great poster for the competition later in March and the 3 powerpoints I had to sit through were complete waste of time. God. I even got up early that day, drove to school, took the bus to the library, sat there for two hours and ...what a waste. Anyway. It really threw off my Friday and I don't think I got much work done. Saturday I felt fried from my pre-proposal still. I hadn't any days off to recover. I was annoyed with myself for not working but I also knew I couldn't force myself to. However, I didn't even get to really enjoy it by saying "I am taking today off"--instead I just wasted it and frizzled it away on old City episodes and stuff and laconic reading of this and that with no real processing going on :( Oh well. I know when I can't work, I can't work, and my brain rejected me that day.
Sunday I got up at the crack and worked though. All day. From 10am basically to 5am. It was insane and I was getting stressed out. I mainly worked on my KM article for the conference proceedings. I was glad I had my diagrams done earlier. Then I went to bed at 5am and woke up around 9:30 and worked on my fellowship article application from 10 am til 5pm! M called me at 5 and I was pretty fried, and yet I still had the rest of my KM article to work on. It was exhausting. I said I'd work on my application until 6:15 and then I was submitting it. I did. I think I said something stupid about not having a program at my school, which I then googled and felt dumb because we did, it was just brand-new, but it frazzled me.
Once I had that submitted, I worked from 8pm to 11pm on my KM article and formatted it. So exhausting. I submitted it at 10:59 1 minute before it was due! Sigh. Soooo exhausted! I then realized I still had to grade the three assignments for my kids, looming over my head, so I did that until 12am and finally fell asleep at 12:30.
Slept until 630am on Tues when I got up and went to school, worked, taught, and bought a few groceries (mainly paper towels and tp and all that stuff you hate to buy but you have to). I came home and was just kind of clueless of how to relax. I couldn't even sleep. I was just still so fried. I talked to M at 5 and then I fell asleep until 730 and walked B. I wasn't even tired after that small nap and I certainly wasn't hungry for some reason. I kind of stared off into space until about 10 or so, looking at miscellaneous websites and reading beauty and perfume reviews. I had no idea what I was doing. I got an email saying my KM article had been unsubmitted for some reason and I couldn't really address why so I just went to bed. I fixed it this morning though.
I was still a little bit unstable this AM (the JPG deal) but later today I am going to the coffee shop to work on my poster presentation so I can hopefully have a good draft before M comes on Friday. I am so glad most of my hard work is out of the way before he comes, even if it was all due in one very short month! Jeez how did I survive that ! I wonder. I didn't sleep well at first last night because my brain was defragging and reviewing every single worry in the world. Bills. Annual reviews. Rejection. Expenses if accepted. Late exams. Summer funding. Augh. I have no idea but I will deal with it when it comes. Starting next month I start getting my peasly little paychecks with extra insurance taken out :( I wish I didn't have to pay that crap. Sigh!!
I paid my bills today and got a bit stressed about money, how my budget is even with no extras. I only had $30 worth of extras this month and it was still more than I wanted with extra vet bills and so on. So stressful. I applied for all this funding but I have to be realistic that my chances are low for a dissertation scholarship and the other fellowship is also very low :( I really would love to get that though. I just know from last year...800 applicants...12 awards...I mean, the chances are soo teenie and that was for some random thing! I still apply because it helps me get closer to an article at least, and augh I don't want to worry about it. I know we will do our taxes very soon and that will help a little at least pay off my cc bill from the conference I go to in a few weeks. Augh. The payment of $450 for 2 nights rooms kills me. That is like half my monthly paycheck. Augh. I know you have to do these things, but augh. SO much money. I am trying really hard to budget though and not spend poorly or make bad decisions. I have to be super careful with how I spend the dough when M is here (food $$) and then factor in gas to go to Dallas and train money, etc for Chicago. Bringing food to travel with. Ack. So expensive. I get $620 back but my trip is more like $750 base without taxes and trains and so on. And food. I am glad A is going to meet me there. I feel whelmed.
Ah I will hopefully be working by next year and can pay off any debt I get. I am really trying to keep it low. :( It is just so hard to live on $12,000 a year! So hard. Especially when we could be saving rent if we were to live in the same city :( Oh well I can't worry about what I can't change right now, I guess!
I wish I didn't have this 3:30 meeting looming over my head but I know I need to go. It will help me make friends too I guess, get me out of this dissertation bubble. I think R will be there and A. I can get some work done and clean in the meantime. I have 2.5 hours until I have to leave. So I hope I can clean some in that meantime. It just doesn't feel much like a day off (bleh work tomo and then Friday with Annual Reviews) I feel like I have no time to myself before M comes. Maybe tonight. I just feel stressed! I want to relax!
Monday, February 21, 2011
7 days: I can make it.
Lots of things going on.
Good news:
MON 2/21--complete draft prospectus, grade 4 2-1s and 8 2-2s, lesson plan
TUES 2/22--teach, work, grade 8 2-2s, prospectus to A
WED 2/23--Article #1 outline & color coded, with Method (survey),Results and Discussion, grade8 2-1s
THUR 2/24--Article #2 outline & color coded with Method (interviews), Results, grade 5 2-1s (done)
FRI 2/25--Article #1Lit Review and intro, smoothing, grade 8
SAT 2/26--Article #2 Discussion, review Lit Review, smoothing
SUN 2/27--Article #1 perfect, submit (application for summer)
MON 2/28--Article #2 perfect, submit (online application)
TUES 3/1 RELAX
WED 3/2 CLEAN
THUR 3/3 Submit the last funding request for March., clean for M's visit
FRI 3/4 PPT poster for the GS competition on 3/25, clean for M's visit
Good news:
- Getting reimbursed $420.00 from the graduate school for my conference! That covers my hotel room (I'll still have to pay another $300 for my plane ticket, but who cares! It is better than nothing!) :D
- Ee! Found out I am getting another $200 from the department for the conference! I only have to pay $200 or so out of pocket :)
- Drafts are in full swing...but I just want to be finished so I can cross things off my list.
WED 2/23--Article #1 outline & color coded, with Method (survey),
THUR 2/24--Article #2 outline & color coded with Method (interviews), Results, grade 5 2-1s (done)
FRI 2/25--Article #1Lit Review and intro, smoothing, grade 8
SAT 2/26--Article #2 Discussion, review Lit Review, smoothing
SUN 2/27--Article #1 perfect, submit (application for summer)
MON 2/28--Article #2 perfect, submit (online application)
TUES 3/1 RELAX
WED 3/2 CLEAN
THUR 3/3 Submit the last funding request for March., clean for M's visit
FRI 3/4 PPT poster for the GS competition on 3/25, clean for M's visit
Friday, February 18, 2011
Feeling better
I cleaned all day. Basically from noon to now (four). I did laundry. I folded it. I put it away. I went through all my binders and tossed out papers. I found my travel drive with my tax information from 2009. Got new sheets on. New towels. I vacuumed. Cleaned up my desk. Made lists of things I need and have to do.
So glad I skipped that meeting today and took a personal day instead! I feel so much better.
So glad I skipped that meeting today and took a personal day instead! I feel so much better.
Whelmed: the theme of February?
I woke up today with my (not bad, but more sad) mood not yet dissipated. I thought I could sleep it off. I went to bed at 11:30 and set my alarm for 8am, but I got up around 10 when Boris wanted to be walked. We walked outside and it was beautiful and I hoped the mood would vanish by the time we returned. I got a letter from M and it was cute and had drawings of me, him, and B.
I don't know why I feel so sad! Is it the disappointing mom stuff, the teaching evaluation, my disillusionment with working in a university, plain old M.K. and his rudeness, the feeling I am not good at what I am doing? I just keep having horrible thoughts that stress me out. My girlfriend who just graduated college in June after having a baby (alone) in Washington, and how she can't afford to have her heat on due to student loans and other expenses like day care. The thought of ICU bills for my friends with twins, reaching over a million dollars. How do you live like this? The college grad especially makes me sad. The whole reason she went and finished was to make a better life for her son, and now she is drowning more in bills than if she had just maintained a minimum-wage job at a clothing store. It is just so sad.
Anyway, it is these little thoughts in my head that is keeping me down. I know I have work to do today and I need to do it. I just am not sure how to stop. I am not going to the meeting with MK today because a) we don't learn anything and he doesn't plan an agenda, he just spouts; and b) it is a waste of 2 hours. I would have to drive in (30 min ea way) for an hour meeting. It is just a waste of time. And I have not yet recovered from how rude he was yesterday during my evaluation. I wish I had asked him if I had done anything right. I even "walked around the classroom" and "hovered around their shoulders" like he told me to last time (like a 1980s elementary school teacher). Sigh. It is really depressing and not encouraging. I know I should get over it, but I am just still so disappointed that he picked yesterday of all days to come and observe an ill-traveled white girl teaching "multicultural" lessons. Sigh. I wish I had had one of our international students speak! Sigh. I just want to move on. And that is probably the last time he will observe between now and the time I leave.
I say leave in case I don't graduate. On the phone last night with A, I just got so jaded about why I am here. I love researching, but I just don't think I am going to get a job at a university because no one is hiring. And now that I know you have to teach 2 days on your interview, I can't see that going very well a la MK. Academics are so snobby, and I just don't see a majority of them encouraging you. They are very high school in the way they deal with people. They don't like new people and they tend to only hire when forced. It is very rigid for a supposedly liberal field. I guess it is mostly self-centered people who go into academia because they think they are so awesome at school? And then a small percentage because they want to go to help others? I wonder.
Ideally, I would work at a school like where I got my M.A. in Washington. I really loved that school. The surrounding area did not have a very robust economy, and most of the students there were not, say, "low income," but they worked to pay for it and really wanted to be there--they weren't just students shipped off at 18 to go to college because that was what their parents thought they should do. I liked that about my old school, and those are the types of students I like to encourage. I love the students here, too, they are great and hardworking! But it is the faculty and administration that stifles a lot of the fun. And I know that they are a small part of it and not in your classroom all the time with you, but I don't know if I could make it past the interview process.
The older I get, the less sure of myself I have become. I don't speak confidently like I did when I was 23 and getting my first job. I thought I could do anything. And I usually did! I lost that quality long ago. The last time I really remember having it was when I was applying for a job in Bethesda and the organization was wanting a Master's with research experience and I didn't have enough. That drove me. I was looking for another job, actively, even when moving to Washington. I think I may have still "had it" when I applied for the MA program. I think I started losing it after that interview. I remember feeling worthless and as an imposter. And then I got in. And I think I just worked my bum off to stay in and finish. A lot of people didn't finish, I notice later, including people like G who was really bright. She just now defended her thesis 5 full years after starting. That surprised me. It is just more evidence that graduate school is about tenacity over brightness.
I do often wonder what life would be like if I had chosen Washington over Texas. I was drawn to Texas for a variety of reasons (family, comfort of campus, etc) but I realize that Washington was a much better school and I could have gotten a much more prestigious degree from them and a better job. But then I wonder if I would have liked it there, and if I would have finished. I just felt the need to flee the state after that big breakup. I don't know. And I am glad I met M after all this time. I just don't really feel connected to my department anymore, and that may be a feeling most people go through in their 3rd year. I don't know. I just need to work hard the next 14 months and get the heck out of here. Start something new. Again. Sigh.
I don't know why I feel so sad! Is it the disappointing mom stuff, the teaching evaluation, my disillusionment with working in a university, plain old M.K. and his rudeness, the feeling I am not good at what I am doing? I just keep having horrible thoughts that stress me out. My girlfriend who just graduated college in June after having a baby (alone) in Washington, and how she can't afford to have her heat on due to student loans and other expenses like day care. The thought of ICU bills for my friends with twins, reaching over a million dollars. How do you live like this? The college grad especially makes me sad. The whole reason she went and finished was to make a better life for her son, and now she is drowning more in bills than if she had just maintained a minimum-wage job at a clothing store. It is just so sad.
Anyway, it is these little thoughts in my head that is keeping me down. I know I have work to do today and I need to do it. I just am not sure how to stop. I am not going to the meeting with MK today because a) we don't learn anything and he doesn't plan an agenda, he just spouts; and b) it is a waste of 2 hours. I would have to drive in (30 min ea way) for an hour meeting. It is just a waste of time. And I have not yet recovered from how rude he was yesterday during my evaluation. I wish I had asked him if I had done anything right. I even "walked around the classroom" and "hovered around their shoulders" like he told me to last time (like a 1980s elementary school teacher). Sigh. It is really depressing and not encouraging. I know I should get over it, but I am just still so disappointed that he picked yesterday of all days to come and observe an ill-traveled white girl teaching "multicultural" lessons. Sigh. I wish I had had one of our international students speak! Sigh. I just want to move on. And that is probably the last time he will observe between now and the time I leave.
I say leave in case I don't graduate. On the phone last night with A, I just got so jaded about why I am here. I love researching, but I just don't think I am going to get a job at a university because no one is hiring. And now that I know you have to teach 2 days on your interview, I can't see that going very well a la MK. Academics are so snobby, and I just don't see a majority of them encouraging you. They are very high school in the way they deal with people. They don't like new people and they tend to only hire when forced. It is very rigid for a supposedly liberal field. I guess it is mostly self-centered people who go into academia because they think they are so awesome at school? And then a small percentage because they want to go to help others? I wonder.
Ideally, I would work at a school like where I got my M.A. in Washington. I really loved that school. The surrounding area did not have a very robust economy, and most of the students there were not, say, "low income," but they worked to pay for it and really wanted to be there--they weren't just students shipped off at 18 to go to college because that was what their parents thought they should do. I liked that about my old school, and those are the types of students I like to encourage. I love the students here, too, they are great and hardworking! But it is the faculty and administration that stifles a lot of the fun. And I know that they are a small part of it and not in your classroom all the time with you, but I don't know if I could make it past the interview process.
The older I get, the less sure of myself I have become. I don't speak confidently like I did when I was 23 and getting my first job. I thought I could do anything. And I usually did! I lost that quality long ago. The last time I really remember having it was when I was applying for a job in Bethesda and the organization was wanting a Master's with research experience and I didn't have enough. That drove me. I was looking for another job, actively, even when moving to Washington. I think I may have still "had it" when I applied for the MA program. I think I started losing it after that interview. I remember feeling worthless and as an imposter. And then I got in. And I think I just worked my bum off to stay in and finish. A lot of people didn't finish, I notice later, including people like G who was really bright. She just now defended her thesis 5 full years after starting. That surprised me. It is just more evidence that graduate school is about tenacity over brightness.
I do often wonder what life would be like if I had chosen Washington over Texas. I was drawn to Texas for a variety of reasons (family, comfort of campus, etc) but I realize that Washington was a much better school and I could have gotten a much more prestigious degree from them and a better job. But then I wonder if I would have liked it there, and if I would have finished. I just felt the need to flee the state after that big breakup. I don't know. And I am glad I met M after all this time. I just don't really feel connected to my department anymore, and that may be a feeling most people go through in their 3rd year. I don't know. I just need to work hard the next 14 months and get the heck out of here. Start something new. Again. Sigh.
Monday, February 14, 2011
February's tasks
These were the tasks I had from January:
Departmental scholarship application-
Graduate school poster competition abstract Nag Sandra about surveyEmail Chad about survey- Email Ruby about survey
Grade last of Unit 1 assignmentsAugust conference abstractGraduate school scholarship application (draft)CA article Draft #2 (final)- Survey article Draft #1 (5000 words)
Interview #1: AmandaInterview #2: LisaInterview #3: Chad (discarded)Interview #3: SaraGraduate school application (due 2/16)-
Conference abstract for August due 2/02 - Conference paper for August conference 5,000 w due 2/28
- Email Ruby from January for Interview #4
- Email Leah from January for Interview #5
- Draft survey article for fellowship application 5,000 w due 2/28
Apply to speak at GP conference in Vegas due 02/15 2000 characters- Revise prospectus for committee by 2/15
- Work on a paper for GP journal peer review starts 3/15
Today is Monday.
This is how I would ideally spend my week:
Wednesday 2/16: Finalize 5p prospectus and send to Angie for review.
Friday 2/18: Draft Survey article into appropriate sections and complete sentences
Saturday 2/19: Revise Method, Result, Discussion
Sunday 2/20: Revise Introduction, Abstract. Revise entire article holistically.
Monday 2/21: Prepare fellowship application. Read up on kmnop
And next week:
Tuesday 2/22: [teach] Read for lit review (3)
Wednesday 2/23: Draft Method, Results, for km. Read for Lit review (3)
Thursday 2/24: [teach] Read for lit review (3)
Friday 2/25:
Saturday 2/26:
Sunday 2/27:
Monday 2/28: Submit fellowship application
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