Yesterday was so great. I needed a snow day and I used it really effectively. I caught up on so many things. I got my first follower, and she was from my old town! I felt a stronger connection to people who share the same interests as me (even if it is as "trivial" as clothes and makeup spending) than I have in the whole two years I have been down in Texas for graduate school. It has been a few great weeks of 2011.
I was thinking about friendships in your 30s, and how different they are from your 20s--why is that? I realize as much now...you just have to spend time with someone who is still going through life talking as if they are in their 20s. I don't mean to generalize. I guess I just mean "young"--as in, they like to talk about themselves and their problems. Maybe when you get a little older you realize your problems don't strike the fancy "of so many people" as you thought when you were younger (mainly because you were so self-absorbed in your own thoughts). Maybe being young is about dumping your problems, then your friend dumping her problems, then you jointly commiserate. Maybe being older is about listening more and being concerned about minor things, less.
I just have one friend whose entire conversations revolve only about her. We had been starting to get close in 2009, and then she got pregnant. Topics then revolved around pregnancy, and we just didn't have much in common anymore, because we had been doing the "20something dump" whenever we would go out together. Last year (2010) we tried to renew the friendship and we would meet for coffee once a week, but I realized I just wasn't into having another "20something" data dump of problems. That and it tended to be 80% her problems and 20% mine. We are both married, but I think most married females don't talk much about their husbands to surface friends, just because they can't really complain about anything if they can't easily get rid of the guy! Lol. Understandable. But it also leads to a lot of surface friendships.
I pulled out of her and my relationship after a few of these dumping sessions last fall, when I would walk away more drained than energized, and I can't say I miss talking to her. We aren't "not friends" and we are even friendly to each other at school--we just don't call each other anymore. And I am fine with that. But it did make me realize how limited my circle is here at school. I just don't really care for many of the people I am in class with or work with, and everyone seems to be focused on themselves. I think I am focused on myself, too now, and I am enjoying it (but I can't hold a conversation with these people!). I think that I have come to accept that this is who a lot of people ARE in their 30s--this is why we are boring and have children--as grownups, we just aren't as interesting. Our lives are more stable, and there isn't a tumultuous relationship to dissect after every binge weekend. So that is just how it is! I remember I once asked my Ma if that was why people had children--because they are bored and wanted an 18 year project to talk about. I think she said yes. Anyway.
I am happy to say I feel a connection now that I am blogging about my clothes and decisions and that all started with blogging about makeup last year. It is a sense of release and connection, to only talk about the positive things in your life and the things that interest you with others who are interested in similar stuff! That is a relief. I am so much more fulfilled than I had been last semester when I had been trying to gather participants for research lectures, dinners and socializing. I just didn't like these people, no matter how I tried. And that is ok! :)
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